You Don’t Need to Fall In Love With the Process—You Need to get Engaged With your Actions

We are obsessed with feeling good.

It’s built into our wiring. We seek pleasure, avoid pain, and chase the things that promise happiness. And for most of our lives, we’ve been fed the same formula:

Find something you love → Stay motivated → Achieve the goal → Be happy.

Sounds logical, right? And to be fair—this strategy actually works… in the short term.

When motivation is high, it feels amazing. When you achieve a goal, the rush is intoxicating. When the process excites you, it’s easy to stay consistent.

But then?

The excitement fades. You finally get to the end, and you realize that in order to feel good again, you now have to get to the next achievement. Motivation runs out. You start to question why you are on this endless treadmill of goal-pursuit, but if you don’t, you feel terrible.

So you chase more—more motivation, more progress, more achievement—convincing yourself that happiness lives just beyond the next milestone. But no matter how much you accomplish, the finish line keeps moving.

And if you keep playing this game? You don’t just burn out—you end up living in a constant state of "almost" happiness, where joy is always just one step away.

That’s why I’m done.

I’m calling for a divorce.

A divorce from the process.
A divorce from the outcome.

And a marriage—a lifelong commitment—to our actions.

Because that’s where we mobilize our fulfillment.

The Pitfalls of Focusing on the Process

So, if focusing on the outcome keeps you stuck in an endless chase, then focusing on the process must be the answer, right?

Not exactly.

Because here’s the uncomfortable truth: Sometimes, the process isn’t pleasurable.

Sure, there are moments when you get in a flow state. When you’re in the zone, enjoying the work itself. But sometimes? The process is boring, frustrating, exhausting, and downright painful.

And if you’ve convinced yourself that you must enjoy the process to stay committed, what happens when you don’t?

You start questioning everything.
You wonder if you’re on the wrong path.
You think, If I don’t love this, maybe I shouldn’t be doing it at all.

Focusing on the process can become just another outcome to chase—one where you’re constantly measuring how much you’re “enjoying” it and using that as a reason to keep going… or to quit.

So instead, let’s take a different approach.

Let’s stop tying our motivation to pleasure or progress.

Let’s focus on the only thing we can control—engaging fully in our actions.

Your Path to Happily Ever After: 4 Steps to Get Engaged With Your Actions

This isn’t about forcing joy. It’s not about feeling motivated. It’s about showing up, committing to what matters, and letting fulfillment happen naturally. For all who are willing to experiment with this new lifestyle, I invite you to an experiment.

Step 1: Choose Something That Aligns With a Life You Want

Ask yourself:

"What is one action that would make my life better—even if I don’t always enjoy it?"

For me, that’s going to the gym.

Step 2: Define One Small, Specific Action

The hardest part of any action? Starting.

So instead of overwhelming yourself with a massive commitment, break it down. What’s one small, specific step you can take?

For me, it’s walking to the gym and doing one rep. No extra credit for anything more.

Step 3: Identify a Core Value Tied to That Action

This is where everything shifts.

Instead of asking, Do I enjoy this? ask:

"Does this align with what I value?"

Here’s the truth: I hate the gym.

I’m tired. It’s painful. I don’t enjoy it.

But I do find fulfillment in it—because I value health, strength, and discipline.

That’s why I show up. Not because I love the process, but because I love what it represents in my life.

Step 4: Schedule It & Appreciate Taking Action

Pick a specific time to do it. Not “I’ll try”—a real commitment. Put it in your calendar. Set an alarm. Treat it like an appointment you can’t cancel.

Then, when you follow through? Take a moment to appreciate yourself for following through.

Not for how well you did it. Not for whether you enjoyed it. Just for the simple act of showing up.

Your New Wedding Vows

If you’re ready to stop waiting for motivation and start living in loving marriage alignment, here’s your vow:

"I commit to my actions, for better or worse, knowing full well that I don’t control the outcome.

To show up, regardless of motivation.

To engage fully, without demanding a feeling in return, or insisting that my worth and joy are the result of some future achievement.

And in that commitment, I will find myself fully engaged in the process—appreciative of how I’ve chosen to live, regardless of the outcome."

When you commit to the action, you naturally find yourself engaged with the process—appreciative of how you’ve chosen to live, regardless of the outcome.

Do you, dear reader, take actions towards your values as your new way of navigating your life?

I do.