You Are Not Who You Think You Are—But You Can Be Who You Choose to Be

If you’ve ever felt stuck—trapped in patterns you don’t like, repeating habits you wish you could break—there’s a good chance you’ve told yourself a story about who you are.

I’m an anxious person.
I always overthink things.

Maybe you’ve carried this belief for so long that it feels like a fact. Like it’s woven into your DNA, part of the foundation of your being. You don’t just feel anxious—you are an anxious person.

But here’s where things get weird.

If you are what you think you are, then what happens in the moments you’re something else?

You say you’re an anxious person, but what are you in the moments when you feel calm? Do you disappear? Do you temporarily cease to exist?

If a label doesn’t always fit, could it possibly be true?

Identity Isn’t Found—It’s Created

We tend to believe that whatever we think ourselves to be is simply the truth. That however we’ve always been must be what we are—and what we’ll continue to be.

But in reality, it’s often not who we are—it’s who life shaped us to be.

We weren’t born anxious, insecure, or avoidant necessarily. We’re a cocktail of DNA, upbringing, and learned behaviors. We’ve adapted, developed coping mechanisms, and responded to the world in ways that helped us survive.

And if identity can be shaped by life, it can also be reshaped by us.

We are not who we think ourselves to be.

We are constantly becoming who we act to be.

And this is where things shift.

There are different ways we approach change. One approach is waiting for thoughts to change before taking action—believing that if we could just feel confident, we’d finally speak up. If we could just believe in our discipline, we’d start following through.

Another approach is recognizing that identity isn’t something to wait for—it’s something to practice.

Not by forcing thoughts to change first, but by taking actions that cast votes for a new version of self.

How to Vote Wisely

Every action we take is a vote for the person we are becoming. We are casting votes all the time—whether we realize it or not.

If we want to become someone different, we have to start voting differently.

Step 1: Name the person you want to become.

Write down one word that describes the version of yourself you want to move toward.
Compassionate. Confident. Patient. Creative. Disciplined.

Step 2: Choose one small, specific action that aligns with it.

If we want to be more compassionate, we start our day by offering support to someone.

Step 3: Practice that action daily for a week.

Not perfectly. Just intentionally. One small action, one vote at a time.

Step 4: At the end of each day, take a moment to acknowledge what you did.

It may seem small, but small is what turns the wheel.

Because here’s the thing: if you took seven steps in a new direction, you wouldn’t be where you started.

It might not feel dramatic in the moment. It might even feel insignificant. But if you turn just a few degrees and walk from there, you end up in an entirely different place—one much more aligned with where you actually want to be.

Want to be a more compassionate person? Speak compassionately, do it often, and compassionate you become.